It sounds like we are good people who were just not valued or appreciated anywhere near the level we deserved

You know, the worst part about her affairing down was that it made me feel that much worse about myself. If her OM was lower then plant life, and he was, then what does that say about me? I must be absolutely worthless….right?

In my betrayed state of mind, I struggled with reasoning that if he was a young, super successful, handsome single guy than I could understand her affair and I could take some comfort in knowing that he was obviously a better choice and that I still had some value. How messed up is that!

I felt the same way when comparing myself to the OM. I feel my wife affaired down as well … She told him I was a “know-it-all” and didn’t think she could do nothing right when I was around. I even told her when I found out about the EA that she chose someone who was not as smart as me and an illiterate so she could have something in common with someone on her level! That was the anger speaking and I apologized to her sincerely, as she always had self-esteem issues and felt she was not as intelligent as me.

However in our case, my wife did everything that TryingHard did … She took excellent care of the household, our kids, and me. She realizes now that that was a big mistake and once she came out of the fog, realized what she could lose. We are working very hard at making our marriage work, and when I don’t get angry or feel hurt, our marriage is he best it’s ever been! I’m sorry you couldn’t work things out with your wife, but think you’re on the right track! Best of luck!

Good point. Mine said similar things to me. I CrГ©ditos asiame do know that OM was jealous of me but I don’t know why…she never told me.

I remember my ex had said she never felt good enough or smart enough for me as well. I honestly don’t think I ever did or said anything consciously to make her feel like that. I am more educated then her but that was a result of a lot of hard work, dedication and perseverance…before we ever met. I assumed that was just part of the blame-shifting phase she went through. If she actually felt like that I would guess that it could be self-induced thinking and my have been a reflection of how she felt about herself after her affair…guilt/shame? She did seem to re-write our marital history to justify her actions. How she felt about herself could have been part of that process.

I wish my ex would have valued our marriage enough to put in some effort. I know it would had been difficult to deal with for a many, many years but we would most likely still be married if she did. It will still be difficult for me to deal with even being divorced.

She is a very caring person, but fell into this vey dark place and started to feel sorry for herself, so looked to Facebook for her first love

I think my ex didn’t re-engage in our marriage after I discovered her affair because she was still in contact with OM even though she insisted that she wasn’t. I did find out later that she was. So she was in the fog the entire time I was trying to save what was left of us…1 1/2 years of limbo. Talk about a waste of emotional effort.