When people think of the word “cheating”, they instantly assume that a person is having sex with someone that is not their partner. In fact, many people assume that polyamory is just a nice name for cheating. This couldn’t be further from the truth.

Polyamory is, in short, consensual, ethical, and responsible non-monogamy. This goes directly against the idea of cheating. Cheating is non-consensual, in that the person being cheated on did not consent to non-monogamy, and is unable to make informed decisions about their sexual and emotional health. Cheating is not ethical; after all, a great many cultures and belief systems consider it the one of the biggest betrayals you can commit. And cheating is most definitely not a responsible thing to do.

I would go so far as to say that cheating is worse in a polyamorous relationship than a monogamous one. While it is still a horrible thing to do in a monogamous relationship, to cheat in polyamory is somewhat bizarre – you have an opportunity to be open in multiple ways, and the option to discuss and renegotiate the relationships, and yet you choose to do something outside of those options, something you agreed not to do. Continue reading →